k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
