I just made out with a guy for $7.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All the doctor said was why
So here I am, sexting at work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
