I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
