marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
