i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
