so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
