you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
