I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
