so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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