look no pants
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
where are my eyebrows?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
