He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
