you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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