I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
