My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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