i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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