I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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