tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
