Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
