So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
