I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
