accomplished twins. life is a go
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize