Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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