So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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