Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
