So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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