he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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