I need to stop coming to work sober
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
