god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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It's never too late to be topless.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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