he shaved USA in his pubs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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