Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
