STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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