And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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