hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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