i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Randomize
