He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
