So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
