drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
