i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
