Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
