I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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