Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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