lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
