just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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