Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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