she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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