Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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