They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
