You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
