great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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