I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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