Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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