Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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