Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
