I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
