made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
