yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
