And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
