Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
