I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
