Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
