The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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