There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
