you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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