two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
