well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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