end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
