Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
