I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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