In America we eat man semen.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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