he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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