Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
