When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
