I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize