uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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