I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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